World Suicide Prevention Day

Almost two years ago, I lost someone who if I had one more chance I feel like I could've made a difference.

I was in her position for years on end and it wasn't until last year that I got help. In 11 days, it will have been one year since I was admitted to the hospital for my last inpatient treatment. In those 5-6 days that I was there I learned more about myself and about coping mechanisms and other things that I needed to survive.

It hasn't been easy. I have taken off work and have had days where I laid in bed ignoring everything and everyone because I was that depressed. I remember fighting with my dad leading up to my last stint in treatment saying how I just wanted to die. I remember my sisters crying about how they didn't want to see that for me.

So again, I went to treatment. I guess this is turning into an emotional post about my last stint in treatment but honestly I wouldn't be alive writing this. I was at the point where I just wanted to end it all.

I am so thankful to be alive a little under a year later.

I have found so many reasons to live. Four months ago, my step mom gave birth to the cutest baby brother ever. I haven't met Anderson yet but I want my baby brother to know his older sister. I want him to know that I will always be around through everyone he goes through. I realize that my family still needs me and what not. I used to think that God gave up on me and maybe that is the reason why I am so depressed all the time. God never gave up on me. I know God puts me through the things that He knows that I can handle.

Mental Illness is no joke. I still struggle to talk about it sometimes. It is something though really needs to be talked about more. I know that I have found so so much comfort in my mental illness when people open up about theirs. It takes one story one person to be brave for someone else to realize that they are not alone.

The last two years have been the hardest but for the first time in a long time I have so much to live for and I am so thankful to be alive.

-Kyrsten