Here's To The Future

There's literally a little less than four months left in 2019.

I LOVE making reflective posts so here is basically one about what 2019 has taught me this year.

Falling in Love is OKAY:  For some reason when thinking about this year, I think about how I fell so hard so fast. I have SO many feelings about it but I know that it was okay and it was valid and it taught me so many more lessons that I thought I could imagine.

Never Give Up:  In the last eight months, I have hit my lowest I have in years. I cried more than I wanted. I did some stuff I wasn't proud of. For the longest time, I didn't know who I was and I didn't think I was going to make it. I didn't give up. I didn't give up cause even though I didn't think I was going to make it past it but something kept me going and I am so glad I did.

Be Bold: I recently told someone that I missed them but it wasn't worth it. I have recently learned to be bold about how I felt. I decided that I wasn't going to let anything hold me back from what I wanted and how I was going to get it. I am not sorry about it ether. I wasn't going to hold the truth back from anyone no matter what.

Be Honest: I could go about this one from many different ways. I was honest when I walked away from something that was destroying me in more ways than one. I am honest when I say it impacts every single relationship I have moving forward with my life. Honesty is the best policy. I was honest with someone about stuff that happened months ago and it was something that opened the door to such great communication and I am grateful. I am honest when I say it still hurts and that not a day goes by when I say that I so wish it turned out different but I am grateful for the memories.

Cry When Needed: I have cried a whole hell of a lot in the last eight months. I cried when I left back to Vermont in January. I cried when the guy I loved couldn't get his crap together. I cried when he lied to me. I've cried more times than I wanted too. One thing that I have learned in all my times of crying (ridiculous I know but bear with me) that I am ALWAYS okay right after and sometimes all you need is a good cry.

Trust Your Instincts: In being bold and honest, I never wanted to walk away, I woke up one morning with this gut feeling that I needed to for the sake of me and my mental health, I remember being sad all morning to my best friend, I remember telling him we needed to talk, and I remember walking away and it being the hardest thing I have ever done. If I didn't follow my gut feeling, I would not have learned how to be on my own and how to fall in love with myself all over again. I would not have laughed harder than I have in months. It was for the best for so many reasons. My gut instincts has strengthened my relationship with so many important people in my life and God. I am thankful.

2019 hasn't been easy in the slightest but I have never been so grateful for everything that has happened and the lessons I have learned.