Two Years

Here I am with another blog post!

This time on an actual computer but im not used to the keyboard so be prepared for typos.

Most of my friends left on missions roughly two years ago. Literally within weeks of each other.

Now again within weeks they are ether home or coming home which is crazy. I love them to death but it has made me do a lot of reflecting from the last two years.

In the last two years, I have been through hell and back.  I went from just assuming I had a mental illness to being diagnosed with roughly five of them in the process. It was a crazy change. I went from never going to the doctor to constantly going to the doctor for med checks and making sure that I haven't jumped off the nearest bridge. I also was the skinniest I had been in forever. I think I was so skinny that if I didnt gain weight I was going to be hospitalized.

I was in two serious relationships in the last two years and honestly those really changed my perception on a lot of things. It honestly made me realized what I wanted. It was something that really made me and broke me all at the same time. I fell in love and in the end it didn't work out. I told myself I was be married by the time my friends got back. No literally. I remember walking to my friends apartment with my best friend and we made a bet for when he came home from his mission and i remember in the back of my head I was like well if im not married by then. Hahaha funny stuff.

After the relationships or some time in between, I was figuring out who I was and how to control myself. I ended up spending a lot of time out of control more than in it. I remember crying a lot and wanting my friends home from their missions right then and now. By the time my first major incident happened, I had three friends on a mission. I spent roughly five days in a mental health facility. All so I could get my mental health in check. That was roughly eight months or so after my first diagnosis.

I tried serving a mission and then being the girl who got married and I couldn't do it. I just wasn't able to do it. I look back and man I thought I could never get through it.

But I did.

I look at the situation where my life has been a joke basically for the last two months or so. It sucks like almost everyday but everything happens for a reason.  As much as I hate the current situation I am in and wish it was over I do realize that I am so much stronger than I let on. I think about how my now two best friends are home(basically) from their missions and how I am so thankful to have people like them in my life. They have let me rant and rave to them about the crap going on in my life and also still teaching the wonderful people of Mexico and Colorado. Thank you for giving them back by the way lol. They have grown so much in the gospel and I seriously look up to them so much.

I know I am not the same person from two years ago. Hell, I am not the same person from six months ago. I think the difference this time is that I know that I can get through it even though somedays all I want to do is hide under the covers. Everyday is a new learning experience and I am beyond ready for it. As much as I don't want certain things to happen I have to deal with it. Another difference I notice is that this time I know what I want and I am not afraid of getting it. I also don't really have a filter and basically say whatever I want so. I don't let things really get in my way.

I didn't except this blog post to be as a long as it is so sorry for that honestlyyyy so

Enjoy this blog and i am pretty sure I am going to be blogging a lot more at least for the next week because I finally have a computer in my face and I have a lot of post ideas that need to be let out lol

Thanks for dealing with meeee

-Kyrsten