Me Too

May 18th.

I wanted to share my story because it still hurts but I want people to know that they are not alone in their struggles.

I was casually seeing this guy.

I remember we got into an argument about something and he started drinking. I told him to stop drinking and just come over. He came over roughly an hour later. We sat on my bed and I could smell the alcohol.

I told him when he came over that we were not going to mess around like he wanted. So instead we ordered some food and watched some tv. After we ate, we started kissing and all of a sudden some of my clothes were off.

I was in so much shock that I didn't say no. I thought that when I told him no when he walked in that it would be enough. It should've been enough. Afterwards, he fell asleep.

I went to the bathroom and cried. I realized that what had happened was something I didn't want. I remember texting my best friend at the time and telling him that I thought I was sexuality assaulted and I cried even more. Telling him hurt so bad.

The next day I woke up him and he left and it really sunk in. I was in so much pain that I went to urgent care and they told me that my cervix was severely bruised. They gave me medicine and that was that.

That Saturday I was still in severe pain and so I went to the ER after painfully telling my dad the day before I got raped. I remember going to his house and before actually going we drove to the park. I told him not to freak out and I said the words for the first time, "I was raped."

I will never ever forget that ER visit. They did an STD panel to make sure that I was okay. I told them it was just rough sex and that I was just in pain. Of course, they probably figured what had happened but I didn't want to tell them I got raped. At the time, I just wanted him gone and I didn't want to press charges.

They gave me this shot. The needle itself did not hurt but it was the medicine going into my leg that made me cry for fifteen minutes because I was in so much pain in my leg. I remember the panic attack I had because of the pain and the nurse who aftewards asked me if I was the one who she heard crying.

I confronted him about it. He claims to this day that because I didn't say no during it that it wasn't rape.

I was speechless. Who gave you the right to strip someone without consent?


Being a Mormon and being sexuality assaulted is not easy. It is actually one of the hardest things ever. People questioned if it was actually rape or if it was just an excuse to cover up the fact that I had sex. That has made me really question my faith and how I feel about the Church not even going to lie. It made me doubt the fact that God was even looking out for me. I have had members tell me that I wasn't worth it in God's eyes because I wasn't chaste. It wasn't my decision. It wasn't my choice and to this day I get judged for not being the Mormon girl in their eyes.

Why judge someone for something that is out of their control?

For the longest time, I couldn't be in my mom's apartment after I moved out. Being there just sent me back to flashbacks and terrible times. My mom ended up buying the futon that I couldn't go near without almost breaking down because it hurt. It hurt because that futon was something I bought for myself and instead I was taken advantage.

May 18th will forever haunt me.

My story is for those who had similar experiences. My story is for the regret of the charges I didn't file. I knew it was going to be a he said she said case but I still for the sake of me should've. My story is for the people who are not ready to share if ever. You are not alone. You are never alone. Don't ever forget that.

Me too.