Desire to Serve

*If you are super confused by this blog post please click on the link: my maybe call to serve   *

Most of my friends are ether doing one of three things: 1) on their mission 2)preparing for a mission 3) leaving on a mission.

Me?

Not doing any of those three.

Two of my closest friends have recently bonded at the fact that they are both probably gonna be on their missions by this time next year. It kinda hurts to not feel apart of the group in that sort of way.

I got my answer during last general conference that I shouldn't go right now. The Lord has other plans for me. Never thought I would be so disappointed in an answer.

I wanted to go serve basically since I reactivated two years ago. At one point I was going to not even attend my second semester of college just so I could go.

Ever since I got my answer, I have been kinda struggling to figure out why. All my friends are going or have come back. My best friend has three months left on his mission and then he's home and I am still here in Idaho trying to figure out my life.

Now, this isn't some sob story. I wish I could be out serving or turning in my papers like so many others but I am trying to deal the fact that maybe I am meant to go and it kinda sucks.

It is hard. I am not going to lie to anyone when I say it is a struggle to one day be like oh I am gonna start my papers and then have the feeling of how maybe this isn't what I am meant to do.

So many close friends say how wonderful a mission is and how it is the best decision of their lives. I bet. I have loved seeing my best friend grow since the beginning of his mission and I can't wait to see the progress when he goes home.

That doesn't mean that I am not going to go give up. Heavenly Father has a plan and I have to accept it. I can't give up when I have so much going for me.

Until next time!

-Kyrsten