Grief

Recently I have come across more grief than I have wanted to deal with for awhile.

A girl I knew from my high school was ran over by a car and died from her injuries. I knew her. We dated the same guy at different points. At some points I didn't like her. But no matter what she was always so happy. She was smiling.

She had so many friends and family members that just adored her and loved her unconditionally. My heart breaks that she is gone. I can't imagine it.

My hometown is just shattered because she touched the lives of so many people.

No matter if I personally got along with her or not, her death brings so much sorrow and grief. My heart breaks for my friends who are affected by this. I was mad at myself for a long time for being mad at her for something now pointless.

Life moves on. I have learned to not be so angry with people especially over stupid stuff. I have learned to never let a moment pass by. Always tell the people around you how much you love and appreciate them.

I can't take anything for granted anymore after that. I know what I want in life and you bet I am going to go after it 100%.

I am going to try to better myself too. I am going to work on myself so I am not angry and sad over little stuff anymore just for her. She deserves it.

It is funny because thinking about it, I could've been friends with her because of one thing but I let my pride get in the way and I let myself be mad over it.

I won't mention her name in this post only because I just think its fair not to.

I have been thinking about her and everything the last couple of days and I wish I got to say I'm sorry.

Grief sneaks up on you when you think you are okay. It is so unfair what happened to her. Gosh she was just a year younger than me and was going to graduate high school in just a matter of months. She was gonna grow up and get married someday and yet she got hit by a car and died.

I am so thankful for my friends and my family who put up with me. I am thankful that they listen to my random stories and talk about the same thing over and over again.

I realize I shouldn't be ashamed of how I am crazy for some guy 1000 miles who's wearing a white shirt and a black name tag. (not a huge shocker there but lets be real) and who knows what is gonna happen there but gosh I am not gonna be 80 something years old being like oh I never told him. Now don't think I sat Sunday night writing him an email telling him. Besides my whole world changed Sunday night and his pday got changed to Wednesday because of transfers so ha.

Haha good try friends.

Nope. That won't be until after February or maybe May idk thats still up in the air. He will know sometime if he doesn't already have some suspicion  but can't tell me.

Anyways, I am going to live my life to the fullest and I have her to thank for inspiring me to change my outlook on life.

I am so sorry. I wish I could tell you why but I can't. Just know that everyone here loves you so much and misses you. It is so unfair. I can't change what I've said or how I have acted but I promise you that I will work so much harder to be better. Rest in Peace friend<3

Sorry this is super personal today. I really needed to just get that off my chest. Death isn't easy for me at all especially under certain circumstances but I have had a great support system and great friends and I am forever thankful for it.

-Kyrsten