Struggles of Life

Depression is such an ugly thing.

It literally tears people apart. It is such a thing to watch someone struggle with that kind of pain.

It breaks my heart even more because I went through that same ordeal a couple of years ago. I have also had people close to me go through the same struggle and it is the worse thing.

I think it all started when I was 13 or 14 (somewhere along then). I just felt so low about myself. I wasn't active in church at all. Actually I hated everything about the church.

I started to do some pretty bad things to myself that I am not going to share but it was the only way for me to feel happy for a bit. I had friends but I didn't think they were really my friends. I had this mindset that they were just faking being my friend.

No one in my middle school or really the start of my freshmen year really wanted to hang out with the really short girl who had zits all over her face. I was kinda isolated and I got made fun of constantly for the longest time.

It really ruined my self esteem to the point where even today my self esteem is kinda shot(I am working on it let me tell you.)

It was probably the worst two or so years of my life. I felt like nobody understood and I felt like nobody would listen to me when I would talk. It got the point where I was just losing friends because I couldn't tell them why I was feeling the way I was feeling.

Then of course a miracle happened. I moved to Mount Vernon and my parents forced me to go to church after rebelling to the point where the other option was just to get kicked out. At first I was super hesitant. I had kinda bad experiences with the church and I was only going because I had to.

Well turns out they had sisters serving there who were honestly sent from God because they opened my eyes beyond what I could see. They brought me out of the terrible wave of depression I was in with the gospel. They encouraged me at church and they put me in hands with wonderful leaders who have been by my side ever since I reactivated.

Now I am not saying here how church is gonna be your only option but it gets better. The struggle you are going through now will only make you stronger in the end. Faith is key. You have to have faith that someday it will get better.

Maybe it won't get better today or even tomorrow or maybe not for the next week or so but I know that sometime it will get better.

I am also not saying that you will be cured forever. I can't tell you how I have moments where I just feel like complete crap but I have a great support system to help me along the way. Build up a great support system! Find people who you can talk to. I promise that if they love you and care about you then they will listen!

Do not hold it all in. That will just make you feel so much worse. I held it in for the longest time and it tore me apart forever. I became numb and I shut people out who didn't deserve to be shut out. They didn't deserve the treatment I was giving them.

No one is going to judge you for the struggle that you are going through. I certainly don't. I have been there.

No matter what religion or anything you are please don't forget that you are loved!

I want to share the scripture from the Book of Mormon that saved my life and is my favorite. I have probably shared it a billion times but it fits so much.

Alma 32:21 "And now as I said concerning faith-faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things;therefore if  ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true."

I am always here to listen no matter what! I can listen give advice whatever you need me to do. You are not alone in this struggle I promise. Don't forget that I love you!.

-Kyrsten