2.5

2.5 years ago my life was completely different.

2.5 years ago, probably exactly at this time I was sitting in treatment angry at everything in the world. I was a couple of months post diagnosis from my severe depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and bipolar disorder and I wanted to die.

I spent all of 2017 on all sorts of medications, different therapies, and by the end of that year I would be inpatient treatment twice and living in Vermont by the time the new year came around.

I spent the following year dealing with the hardest part in my opinion.

Recovery.

July of that year, I lost my health insurance and could not afford my medications. I ended up spending fourth of July detoxing at work.

That summer, between couch hoping, moving to a different town, starting a new job, and still figuring out my recovery was hands down one of the hardest things to do. I remember relying on alcohol and very manic behavior to get me through that summer.

The end of the year brought a breakup that looking back was much needed. It brought a chance to go home for some much needed family time. I also got to meet my baby brother who I am sure is the sole reason why I am alive.

This year has brought a year full of change.

I spent most of this year chasing a toxic relationship. It tore me apart and didn't seem to affect him. I fell for someone who made me feel things that I hadn't in a long time. I ended up cycling between manic and depressive episodes. When I walked away, I didn't know if I would ever recover. I drowned trying to save myself from something that was so broken.

I spent the last six months or so just having the time of my life. I really committed to church. I got a second job. I ended up going back to school through a church sponsored program. I am stable.

This last two and a half years has taught me that recovery is not a walk in the park. Recovery is a walk in progress. For me, it is keeping myself so busy that I don't have time to fall back into bad habits. It is learning to laugh again after thinking you would never be happy again.

Here is to the last two and a half years of recovery and hopefully many many more.