Life Moves On

The sentence that describes the last month or two of my life is, "Life moves on"

Actually, it describes the last six months of my life but that is beside the point. It's just hit me harder the month or two.

For the longest time, I stayed stuck. I stayed stuck in relationships that ended. I stayed stuck in experiences that I had good/bad just to find another reason to stay stuck. This time i refused to stay stuck.

When my last relationship ended, I was destroyed mentally/emotionally for awhile. Some days it is harder than others. It wasn't until I was basically forced to move on that I adapted to that saying life moves on. My life returned back to normal the way it was before I started seeing him, I just had all these memories I had to try to get over.

And it hurt. And some days it still hurts but making sure my life continues on after the pain and sadness I've gotten closer with my roommate who is now one of my best friends. She knows all about all my problems and we tell each other basically everything. I've gotten closer to people at church and being more active and building my relationship with God and knowing that everything happens for a reason.

What has really helped me is that a couple of weeks after I ended things, I ended up going home to Ohio for vacation. The funny thing is that I planned my vacation while seeing him. I knew I was going home no matter what. But the real good thing is that being home so far I have found everything I have needed.

I didn't realize how much I needed Ohio until I landed in Ohio.

I've had my ranting sessions to my dad, I have had lots of baby cuddles. I have caught up with old friends. It has been great. I have laughed and smiled more like myself then when everything was going on the last couple of months. I am not saying the last couple of months were bad, of course they weren't. I loved most of the last couple of months, but I am learning how to be myself again and that is beautiful.

I told myself that me coming home was going to be me learning how to fall in love with life and myself again. I was going to learn that I can be myself without someone else. I lost myself while falling for someone else. It was beautiful and magical it was also complicated and exhausting.

My life the last five days has been full of adventure laughing with my siblings, sharing stories upon stories with my step mom and learning you may move 600 miles away from home but sometimes all you need is a trip home for everything to make sense again.

I am thankful.

Life is constantly one thing after another. For me, it took a major heartbreak from someone who I would've given the world and beyond to realize that even when it ends the world doesn't. I still have so much to learn at 22 and I am beyond excited for it. I am beyond excited to see what God throws at me next.

I am in a weird place right now. I am in between fighting for what I want and what I need. I know that no matter what happens that I will come out on the other side and that life moves on and so will I even if it takes awhile.