Originally I had this huge blog post about my week all in a draft.
Well plot twist.
I changed the title and the content so enjoy this instead
The last two weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life. I have never been so mentally/physically/spiritually exhausted. I was pushed to the breaking point.
I couldn't really enjoy much of the last couple of weeks because everything in a way sucked.
I was losing faith in so much. It hurt. I tried talking to my friends and emailing my other friends. I even tried calling my mom and I kept coming up short.
I really did not know what to do. Everything kept piling on. It was like the situation kept coming up again and again.
It finally came to the point where I just needed outside help. I got council from who I feel like could give me council. After that I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders.
It wasn't even a long conversation. Basically the summary of it was that I need to count my blessings and move on.
I realized tonight well actually a good fifteen minutes or so ago that I need to have faith over fear. I have more faith then I realize sometimes. If I didn't, I don't think I would've made it through the last two weeks.
I got through two of the worst weeks I have had in awhile. And I know I probably say this everytime I go through something but honestly this was so rough.
I am so much stronger after this. I am going to do what is going to make me happy and what is going to make me better for the future.
I have to be honest with myself and those around me. If they don't like it or accept it then that is all on them.
I still have so much to work on with myself. It is going to take time and effort but holy crap I am worth it and I am strong with it. I am an amazing Daughter of God and I am finally now starting to believe it.
-Kyrsten
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Recovery
I have never ever been open about my personal struggles.
Whenever it was mentioned, I would just mention how I went through a huge rough period of my life and that was it simple as the fact.
But heck I am so proud of myself for the strides I have made in the last two years.
I had a hard time opening up to someone recently about myself and such. It was rough. I did not feel good enough at all. It tore me apart.
I was talking to my friend about it and I was like I have come so far to come up short. He told me how proud of me he was for everything I have accomplished in the last two years.
I was so miserable a couple of years ago. I kinda hated most things that existed. I wasn't happy with myself or how my life was going.
Then the gospel happened and I am happier than ever.
I could be happier. I have so much to work on myself. I need to be more patient with myself and I need to learn to let people in. Oh man that is a struggle.
This is so hard to actually write out but it needs to be said.
I used to be afraid of my scars and afraid of my past. I am scared that maybe I will get judged for what I went through years ago.
But you know what. I am so proud. I never thought I would be blogging about my recovery. There was a tweet awhile ago about recovery and I felt a prompting to share about my recovery. That was the first step honestly.
It is so scary to talk about it. I don't want anyone's pity because I am publicly talking about it. I also don't want people to think I am doing it for attention. I am doing it because I need to do this for myself.
I had to look at myself this morning and tell myself that I was good enough and that I am worth it. Someday ill able to go into much more detail about it and be more comfortable.
Today I am comfortable with sharing that I have been self-harm free for two years.
It is crazy in what happens in two years but it gets better. Recovery isn't easy. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I still have days where I am sad and it sucks so much. But it is the best decision that I ever made in my life.
It gets so much better. Don't ever forget that you are worth it and you are good enough.
-Kyrsten
Whenever it was mentioned, I would just mention how I went through a huge rough period of my life and that was it simple as the fact.
But heck I am so proud of myself for the strides I have made in the last two years.
I had a hard time opening up to someone recently about myself and such. It was rough. I did not feel good enough at all. It tore me apart.
I was talking to my friend about it and I was like I have come so far to come up short. He told me how proud of me he was for everything I have accomplished in the last two years.
I was so miserable a couple of years ago. I kinda hated most things that existed. I wasn't happy with myself or how my life was going.
Then the gospel happened and I am happier than ever.
I could be happier. I have so much to work on myself. I need to be more patient with myself and I need to learn to let people in. Oh man that is a struggle.
This is so hard to actually write out but it needs to be said.
I used to be afraid of my scars and afraid of my past. I am scared that maybe I will get judged for what I went through years ago.
But you know what. I am so proud. I never thought I would be blogging about my recovery. There was a tweet awhile ago about recovery and I felt a prompting to share about my recovery. That was the first step honestly.
It is so scary to talk about it. I don't want anyone's pity because I am publicly talking about it. I also don't want people to think I am doing it for attention. I am doing it because I need to do this for myself.
I had to look at myself this morning and tell myself that I was good enough and that I am worth it. Someday ill able to go into much more detail about it and be more comfortable.
Today I am comfortable with sharing that I have been self-harm free for two years.
It is crazy in what happens in two years but it gets better. Recovery isn't easy. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I still have days where I am sad and it sucks so much. But it is the best decision that I ever made in my life.
It gets so much better. Don't ever forget that you are worth it and you are good enough.
-Kyrsten
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Honestly and Patience
What a crazy week it has been!
My best friend comes home in almost two weeks. I can't even deal. I am so excited for him to come home. It will be great to be able to talk to him on a regular basis.
Anyways, that is not the point of why I blogged.
I really like blogging and reflecting about what has happened in the last week.
Trying to learn how to adjust on how to deal with living with six other girls is becoming slightly easier. I love most of my roommates. We are bonded and they have also seen me have a typical Kyrsten freak out its kinda funny.
Ive actually bonded with my roommates this week. It has been really good we have had lots of laughs and such and its been fun.
Actually talking to my roommates made me realize how some of my problems don't even matter that much. Like sometimes I think what I go through is so bad and then I listen to some of the stuff that my roommates go through and I am like holy crap that is crazy.
It really got me thinking this week of how grateful for even the little things in my life. I emailed my best friend Friday like I normally do and I just sent him the longest email about it. I told him of how I am so grateful for the friends that keep me sane and for the family that supports me from over 1000 miles away. I am so lucky for everything that I have in my life. It is so amazing what can truly open your eyes.
I had another huge moment this week! Well this weekend but same difference. I won't go into huge detail about it but something special put me into perspective a bit. I realized that I honestly really need to stop hiding from how I feel and I need to be honest about things.
And so Saturday I was really confused and conflicted about a whole bunch of things and I prayed and prayed. I literally begged Heavenly Father what to do Friday night and Saturday morning. Saturday morning I got the prompting to go sit in the temple and to take my journal with me.
So I wrote in my journal and I felt the Spirit just talking to me through what I was writing. It was amazing and wonderful feeling. I heard the words that I needed to be honest and I needed to start preparing myself for the future.
And so later that day, I was honest with the people I needed to be and I didn't hold back. I said exactly how I felt and Heavenly Father truly blessed with me in the conversation.
It didn't end badly at all and who knows about a future with that whole thing. Constant prayer and regular temple attendance with this thing is on my list.
Also I was talking to my dad about everything like I always do. He is one of my top three people to go to when major things happen like this. He told me he was proud of me and that I was making the right decisions and such. He also told me I was growing up and such and I was like aww.
I TURN 19 IN A WEEK FROM TODAY LIKE WHAT NO THANKS FRIEND. I literally woke up yesterday morning and was not a fan of this whole growing up thing. That was the kind of day I was having. Not the point...
It is still crazy everything that has happened this week. I guess what I am trying to say is always have the Spirit and make sure you are thinking clearly. I have learned so much this week and I know the rest of the semester is going to be more of a learning experience.
Have a great week!
-Kyrsten
My best friend comes home in almost two weeks. I can't even deal. I am so excited for him to come home. It will be great to be able to talk to him on a regular basis.
Anyways, that is not the point of why I blogged.
I really like blogging and reflecting about what has happened in the last week.
Trying to learn how to adjust on how to deal with living with six other girls is becoming slightly easier. I love most of my roommates. We are bonded and they have also seen me have a typical Kyrsten freak out its kinda funny.
Ive actually bonded with my roommates this week. It has been really good we have had lots of laughs and such and its been fun.
Actually talking to my roommates made me realize how some of my problems don't even matter that much. Like sometimes I think what I go through is so bad and then I listen to some of the stuff that my roommates go through and I am like holy crap that is crazy.
It really got me thinking this week of how grateful for even the little things in my life. I emailed my best friend Friday like I normally do and I just sent him the longest email about it. I told him of how I am so grateful for the friends that keep me sane and for the family that supports me from over 1000 miles away. I am so lucky for everything that I have in my life. It is so amazing what can truly open your eyes.
I had another huge moment this week! Well this weekend but same difference. I won't go into huge detail about it but something special put me into perspective a bit. I realized that I honestly really need to stop hiding from how I feel and I need to be honest about things.
And so Saturday I was really confused and conflicted about a whole bunch of things and I prayed and prayed. I literally begged Heavenly Father what to do Friday night and Saturday morning. Saturday morning I got the prompting to go sit in the temple and to take my journal with me.
So I wrote in my journal and I felt the Spirit just talking to me through what I was writing. It was amazing and wonderful feeling. I heard the words that I needed to be honest and I needed to start preparing myself for the future.
And so later that day, I was honest with the people I needed to be and I didn't hold back. I said exactly how I felt and Heavenly Father truly blessed with me in the conversation.
It didn't end badly at all and who knows about a future with that whole thing. Constant prayer and regular temple attendance with this thing is on my list.
Also I was talking to my dad about everything like I always do. He is one of my top three people to go to when major things happen like this. He told me he was proud of me and that I was making the right decisions and such. He also told me I was growing up and such and I was like aww.
I TURN 19 IN A WEEK FROM TODAY LIKE WHAT NO THANKS FRIEND. I literally woke up yesterday morning and was not a fan of this whole growing up thing. That was the kind of day I was having. Not the point...
It is still crazy everything that has happened this week. I guess what I am trying to say is always have the Spirit and make sure you are thinking clearly. I have learned so much this week and I know the rest of the semester is going to be more of a learning experience.
Have a great week!
-Kyrsten
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Waiting Paitently
Happy 2016!
I realized that I haven;t blogged at all this year so hello everyone!
We are 12 days into this new year and so much crazy stuff has already happened!
I don't know where to start okay.
I am currently living in an apartment with six other girls. Yes you read it right. Six. I went from having one roommate to six. Funny how that works. Oh two of my roommates are from Ohio! A different stake but still.
I literally had an anxiety attack last Tuesday because I didn't know how the heck I was going to bond with my roommates when I only lived with one roommate last semester and we didn't really talk.
Heavenly Father answered that one pretty quick. I got called as Family Home Evening Leader yesterday. So basically I have to plan activities with my co-leader( who doesn't know what he is doing as much as I do so it should be an interesting semester) and make sure we feel the spirit and abide by the rules here at BYUI. As the people in the YSA call it. I am a FHE mom to 17 kids.
I have been kinda freaking out about my calling and kinda bonding with my roommates and such. Sunday, there was a worldwide devotional by President Nelson of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles. I am not kidding you when I tell you that I really think that he was speaking to me! I had so many of my prayers answers in that devotional that night. Heavenly Father truly answers prayers.
Callings are giving to each person for a reason. We are expected to be prepared to do the impossible. And in my case be FHE mom. It is such a challenge especially because I have no idea what I am doing. But I realized that I was supposed to get this calling and it meant for me to grow outside of my comfort zone. That was a pretty sweet realization Sunday night.
One thing that I realized that I really need to work on this year is patience. It is such an important skill that is vital in the work. Yet, I am not the most patient person.
One example is that one of my best friends is coming home from his mission super soon and it is literally driving me insane haha. Like I am so excited that I am just ready for him to come home yet he has a little under a month left. I cannot make time go any faster for him or me even though I won't see him for awhile when hes home. Not the point.
I have to be patient with whats to come and patient with what is around.
It is something to work on that is for sure.
I am so excited for this year. I have a good feeling that this year is gonna bring a lot of good things.
-Kyrsten
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