Mental Health & COVID-19

COVID-19 has been honestly the worst thing to come into existence in my lifetime.

Between school closures, businesses closing, you name it my entire world has kinda been turned upside down.

My life went from a very consistent schedule of work, school, and church to me going to work, trying to do school work, and my favorite set of missionaries being sent home back to Utah.  Before this virus, I was functioning and stable. I had just gotten out of manic episode after seeing an ex boyfriend  when I wasn’t supposed to, having a super hard coming out experience with someone else, and working on getting a therapy appointment.

The day my life changed was a week in a half ago. I went who work, went to dinner with my branch president and his wife, then went to hang out with one of my girlfriends. After that, this virus kinda took over the world. My friends saw their restaurants becoming less busy, my siblings had an early spring break, everything felt real.

Then this week happened. All the restaurants in my town shut down which boosted unemployment. My once thriving town is now a ghost town. My work that is normally filled with tourists of all kinds, and restaurants buying liquor seemed very empty.

I find myself once again in a manic state. I find myself needing answers to questions no one knows. What are landlords gonna do about unemployment? Will my job survive? Will my testimony survive if not the constant push of church? Will I ever get a therapy appointment? Will life ever really return to normal? Questions I ask myself daily.

COVID-19 is deadly. Between just the virus itself and the mental capacity of what it’s doing, life doesn’t feel normal. I feel like everyday it’s a new crisis and I’m honestly at max limit of what else could possibly go wrong. I feel scared to start any type of relationship romantically, I feel scared to even sign up for my next semester of school. This virus is basically ruining my life in more ways than one.

To the lady who told me, “You are young, you should be fine.” I hope you realize how damaging your words truly are. I am not worried about getting sick. I’m worried about my mental health, my bills, and potentially my job if it comes to that. I’m worried about my best friends who are unemployed. My OCD/bipolar lives on structure and knowing what to expect next and currently that’s not even an option I’m devastated for my brother who was supposed to graduate in May but looking like his whole senior year is gone. I am scared that my baby brother could just happen to contract it in any way. I’m heartbroken.

This is a very strange time to be alive in. Please check in on all your friends with mental health issues. We are all freaking out. Please try to stop mass hysteria. That’s what is eating my brain alive. Thankful for every single person that has reached out to me in terms of a text, phone call, making me laugh at work I am truly grateful for the people in my life. Thank you.