Mount Vernon to Mansfield to Marion

Wow oh wow it has been one heck of a week or so.

So I guess I should start with an explanation of my title. I ended up spending six days in the Behavioral Health Unit in Marion General Hospital. You guessed it back at the psych ward. My dad drove from Mount Vernon to Mansfield where my psychologist actually works through and my dad wanted to me to be in Mansfield but Marion was the only place in the state with a bed. Funny right? I was in a city I never knew with people at the time who I didn't want anything to do with.

This time was so different. Who knew it would change my life?

I actually ended up making a lot of friends in the little unit at Marion. I am so grateful for the friendships and the support system that I have made. Without the friends I have made, I don't think I would be able to say that I survived throughout the entire ideal.

I made a really good friend who I am not gonna mention his name but I don't think I would've survived the first couple of days. I got there at like three something in the morning and getting barley any sleep leads to a very awkward morning.

I sat there in my first group watching everyone trying to get used to my new surroundings. Then I had someone talk to me and ask me how old I was and the typical questions. By the end of the day, I had a group of friends who I hung out with everyday until I left Thursday morning.

I felt every emotion that I am pretty sure that I had built up for the last two months. I was there because I wanted to die and I had said it and I was very very manic. The emotions I felt in the BHU hurt so bad. I cried a couple of times and I was angry and I was happy. You are probably super confused on why all of those emotions hurt. I felt them for the first time in so long instead of just bottling them up.

I went to all my groups and made some of the best friends that I could've made. Yes I was around people my own age and who understood what I was going through. It made me feel like I had a support system on the top of the nurses and doctors and the family I had at home.

I made two really best friends who I am gonna talk about on my blog because I can. I made best friends with this girl(yes it was a girl) S, we will call her S and we were attached at the hip basically during her stay there. We had inside jokes and laughed harder than I had laughed in months. When she left I honestly felt like the other half of me was missing.

My other best friend was named J. He is a special one. He taught me how to focus on myself when I was in treatment. I don't think I would've known how to open up as much as I did if I hadn't met him the morning I was in there. He was the first person I met and he made sure I stayed sane. He saw me cry at my worst moments and laughed at me at the best. Including when I beat him at bingo a couple of times.

You never forget the people who touched your heart. I met a nurse who had the same taste of music as me and let me tell you nothing makes you bond with people over music. I actually got to listen to music when I was in treatment and it helped so much I feel it. That nurse also made me realize that it is time to go back to school and instead of going to school for psychology, I would love to tell you all(if you are still reading this by now) that as of now I am going to go to school starting with the BYUI pathway program in January for Social Work.

The reason why I decided to go into social work is because of my social worker in Marion. He wasn't the visit you once and come up with a plan and leave. He listened to my ideas and he worked with my doctor and my nurses for an actual plan of how to get me healthy enough to leave treatment. He is gonna be nameless but I know for a fact he inspired me to work with adults/teens/whoever in a Behavioral Health Unit somewhere.

I am currently home as of Thursday morning and I am not gonna lie when I say that adjustment back home is super hard. It isn't just getting your stuff back, it is taking the things you learned in treatment and applying them into the real world. I find myself less angry at the little things. I do find myself kinda scared to get into certain situations but I am taking things slow.

While I have everyones attention maybe still, I have decided to not seriously date anyone for a couple of months. I am probably gonna go on dates to get the experience because I need it but I can't handle something serious right now. I am still focusing on getting healthy and saving up money to go back to school and drive.

Life is gonna be different or I am gonna work my butt off trying.

Treatment taught me how to find my old self when I was sad and wanted to end everything. Be thankful for everything you have because it might be taken away from you in a second.