My Struggle with Religion pt.2

Disclaimer: *I wrote a basically less detailed version of this post so if you wanna check it out click on the link! Part One also this post is gonna be very open and honest

Life has been life. That is the best way to put it. I've recently been through a lot and it has kinda interfered with church and what not.

I believe in The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I have for as long as I can remember.

It has just been ever since I was told I can't go on a mission it feels like everything to do with religion has fallen apart. All I wanted to do was to serve a mission and because of my mental health and physical health I can't. It sucks.

I've distanced myself from church. I've stopped going for the fact of judgement. I'm twenty and not married and most Mormons figure that if you don't go on a mission, it's time to get married. I'm not dating a member of the church and I've honestly seen a lot of backlash from that too. I've lost some goof friends because of that and other unrelated issues that are not going to be mentioned in this post.

I have three of my close friends serving missions, and everytime I hear from them it just warms my heart of what they doing. They are spending a year and a half to two years of their life dedicating their lives to the Lord. It is beautiful. I miss them terribly don't get me wrong. There are weeks where them being able to email back and forth for a bit is the only day I look forward to in a week.

It's always been a struggle with religion with me but it has been harder recently with the fact that being judged for some things that are out of your control I just can't really comprehend it. Why do it?

Now, I believe in God. I know that God has my back and I feel like I don't need to prove it to anyone else but my own.

I am slowly figuring out myself and how to better take care of myself and my mental state. It has been a challenge and it is something that I have found that I need to put myself first. It's perfectly okay to take a break from something that is negative and stressing you out.

That's advice that I have given other people who decided to take breaks from things like social media and etc but to me, right now its church. I need to figure out how to deal with the judgement and the fact that people really don't approve of me dating someone who isn't a member. So I mean it's gonna happen until I feel comfortable about everything.

Recently, my friend started his own blog and he is doing it to clear his head and to get his thoughts out.

So this is me getting my thoughts in better detailed what has been constantly going through my head recently.

Until next time!

-Kyrsten