As someone who turns 23 on FRIDAY I thought I’d write a little letter to the last 362 days of my life.
Dear 22,
Every birthday since I turned 21, I’m amazed. I wasn’t supposed to be alive past 21 and here we are almost to 23 I am amazed and proud. I am proud in more ways than you know.
This last year hasn’t been the kindest between heart breaks, the faith crisis, and kinda just everything else giving up seemed the option. But I didn’t. I dedicated myself to doing all sorts of things like going back to church, got my temple recommend, got to go to the temple TWICE, and signed up back for school. I’m amazed.
22 brought two people in my life who I swear will forever bring an impact to my everyday life. The first is someone who broke me but also taught me so much about self love and how to really truly fall in love with myself all over again. Without him, I don’t think I’d be where you are at now. I rebuilt yourself from the ground up and decided what was worth fighting for. Thank you.
The second person is someone who came into my life at the time where I didn’t know where I was mentally, emotionally, physically with anything. I was lost. He kinda stayed at bay but then fought for me when I needed it. He’s the guy who got me on a motorcycle for the first time since before my sexual assault something I didn’t think I’d ever do again. He has brought such joy and such light into such a dark world. I pray that God has a plan for us that includes him staying in my life. If it’s meant to be then it’s meant to be.
22 has brought me to tears so many times. Between dating, some minor/major faith crisis, finally realizing that cutting toxic people out of my life is what it’s good it needed to happen. If I have learned anything in the last year of my life, it is that crying is SO necessary sometimes.
My mental health has slowly but surely becoming more in check. I spent the fall tracking when I would go into a manic episode or when I would go into a depressive episode. I would practice so many coping mechanisms and learn more for my anxiety. It happens. I do need to learn how to cope more with my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder more but again all in due time. I will admit in the last week or two I have been more angry with having multiple mental illness. I want to be normal and for my brain to not feel like it’s constantly spinning like a very fast Ferris wheel but hey maybe someday there will be a cure.
22 has been eye opening and it has been quite the adventure. It hasn’t been the best year of my life but it hasn’t been the worst so in the end I call that a success. I’ve learned more than ever in the last year that everything happens for a reason. Wether it’s relationships, work, school, and church. God has a plan and I’m here for it.
I have plans and hopes for this next year of life. Will I share them? Probably not. I gotta keep someone on their toes.
Here’s to the end of 22 and to 23. And according to Blink-182 no one likes you when your 23 so I guess good luck to me.
