January 24th is my twenty first birthday. To most people it is a celebration of being legal. Yes I am excited to finally be legal but I am more excited to be alive.
In 2017, I was in the hospital twice for suicidal thoughts and other mental issues. I learned how to deal with my feelings and with the help of medicine and therapy I am here writing this blog.
Honestly, I didn't think I was gonna be alive to see twenty one. I have had the hardest year. Between my broken engagement and hospitalizations and everything else I wanted to end it all. But i am here. I am here to say I got through it.
Everything in my life changed and it was so overwhelming. I cried till I couldn't and I've developed some really bad habits like skipping work when I am having a rough day and sulking in my room. I thought my life would be extremely different..
I am learning to be okay with the things in my life. I am okay with the fact that the Lord wants me to be in Vermont for a little bit longer. I am learning to be okay with my job that drives me a little. I am learning who I am and who I need to be.
I haven't given up on my health when I thought I was going to. I thought I was gonna be married to a Mormon boy and I thought that maybe I would start having a family by now but Heavenly Father has a different plan for me.
Learning that the Lord has a different plan for me has been crazy. I didn't think I would be in Vermont haha. I love being in Vermont. I actually don't hate my job all the way. I have talking to customers and what not.
I am alive. My life isn't the greatest and it isn't the worst but I have learned to take it day by day. I've lost so many friends in the last year but learning who my true friends are is one of the best feelings in the world.
In the next year, I am hoping to get more of my mental health under control. I am hoping to go back to college in the next year. Where? Who knows? That is currently up to the Lord.
I am thankful for what has happened in the last year. I am thankful for the people who have stood beside me and helped me throughout all sorts of things.
Heres to twenty one.
