Welcome To Sunday

In the words of Brian Logan Dales, Welcome To Monday.

To me, it's Welcome to Sunday. Welcome to the fact that I am winning at least for now.

I fought the weekend war. Well at least most of it. 

Lately, it has been a crazy couple of weeks where I didn't think I was gonna win. I had many meltdowns and breakdowns and situations where I just wanted to lay in bed all day and probably cry.

But I haven't. 

I won today.

I went to church for the first time in months for myself. Not for the fact that people were like, "Go to the church. Go to church and your problems will be all gone." I went to feel better and to feel the Lord's love for me. Let me tell you going on Easter Sunday was amazing. We sang all my favorite Hymns and it just felt good to realize that I didn't care what others thought of me anymore. I am going for me(when I can thanks to work)

I'd like to announce this now but pictures are gonna come when it happens that I am getting my first tattoo. I am getting a semi colon butterfly in honor of mental health. It is gonna have all the colors that represent my mental health and whats going. 

I am excited to get that tattoo to hopefully bring some awareness to Mental Health and to show other people they are not alone. Some Mormons do not get tattoos. We are advised to keep our bodies as temples. My body itself has been through hell and back especially recently. I am getting it as a reminder to myself that it is okay to struggle. My story isn't over and I am not gonna let it be over.

Also, I want to talk about 13 Reasons Why while I have everyones attention. 13 Reasons Why is a wonderful show. I love the actors and all the dynamics that go along with it. That being said, it is also very triggering. I found myself in a very tight spot on top of other things.

It personally brings awareness to suicide and self harm etc, but what angers me is the jokes that have recently come about this show. *Spoiler Warning* Hannah made those tapes to explain why she killed herself. Other people's actions influenced it. That should teach people to take their actions more seriously and just mental health in general more seriously. Not just making jokes about, "Oh someone did something." "Welcome to your tape."

Not what happened at all.

I am looking forward to the future and I hope I still have the love and support of my friends and family.

Also, Happy Easter.

Kyrsten

My Name is Kyrsten

I've seen a lot of posts and videos of friends sharing their stories about mental illness and what not so I decided to share some more details about my mental illnesses and everything else.

My name is Kyrsten and I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
 Now I obsess my thoughts. I obsess with how people think of me and how they feel about me. I have to have things in a certain order. It also bugs me when things are not even. I got my diagnosis in June ish of 2016. I was shocked but it made sense. I remember sitting with my therapist and he was explaining this to me and I felt relief. I felt like I was finally getting answers about what was going on in my head.

My name is Kyrsten and I have Depression.
 I officially was diagnosed with depression in May of 2016 while doing preparing to serve a mission for the LDS church. My doctor told me I wasn't mentally ready to go. I have struggled with depression for as long as I remember. I am a survivor was self-harm. I used to cut myself. I am clean as of a couple of months and I am proud. I am learning about my triggers and how to deal with them.

My name is Kyrsten and I have Anxiety.
 This was diagnosed the same day I was diagnosed with depression. And honestly? It has been my worst nightmare. I struggle still so much with new people and dealing with situations I don't want to deal with. I used to at work and have constant anxiety attacks. It was terrible. I had to tell myself that it would be over and that it would get better. I am now on medication that controls my anxiety and helps a lot with my brain and how I think and feel. I give my medication so much credit because in a way I feel like I wouldn't have survived this whole process with them.

My name is Kyrsten and I have Anorexia.
 This is hard. I recently got diagnosed with this. I have lost about 12-15 pounds in over two months. I have little to no appetite and I am scared to get fat. My doctor is worried about me and tells me I have to drink Protein shakes to attempt to get my appetite. It has been a little over two weeks since I have learned this and I have finally realized after looking at my weight after my weekly weigh ins that losing so much weight is so unhealthy. I hate my body more than I did when I had lots of weight. I currently weigh 92 pounds. Scary right? I should be about 100-105 pounds for my age and height. This disease has ruined my pleasure of food. For awhile, I would count calories and be like no I need to not gain a lot of weight but ill gain only a little. It didn't hit me that it was real until I sat down with my sisters almost in tears and told them I was sick and had Anorexia. My boyfriend and parents knew but I was still in denial. At first, it was constantly being told to eat and to keep eating and I didn't want to be forced to eat. I realize now that I need people to be like eat some food but at the same time don't get mad if I am not hungry. It is a scary disease. I am scared but I am facing it full force.

This is my story. I have an eating disorder and multiple mental illnesses. It's okay. I have comfort in my boyfriend and family and others who have inspired me to share my story.  Mental illnesses are so real. I spend my days off ether at doctors appointments or mentally recovering from days before and mentally preparing for the day. It sucks. It sucks to cry all the time because your mind is all over the place. It sucks when you wanna hang out with friends but your depression and anxiety make you just wanna lay in bed all day and do nothing. I spend days sleeping or just watching netflix because I cant physically or mentally do anything else.

This isn't a pity story of the girl with issues. This is a story that I needed to share. I have realized I am not alone. So here is all of me in the worst and sometimes the best way I can offer.

Enjoy.

-Kyrsten